Even a butterfly with broken wings deserves to fly.

Have you ever stopped to really enjoy life? Some of the most wonderful things available to us have nothing to do with how much money you have or how popular  you are in a certain group . It simply means taking a breath....pausing to look around you and -really- take in what nature has to offer.  

 I remember as a child, my mom would take us out for drives in the middle of nowhere.  At that time, we didn't understand how to enjoy it in the way she was trying to show us.  She would tell us about this plant or that one that could be used to cook with or clean with or even used in healing. But, we were not listening. Most of the time we were bored and just wanted to go home.  I can't speak for my brothers, but for me at least I slowly came around. I loved our trips...even if we ended up lost.  I remember us having car trouble once and us having to wait outside the car for someone to come help us. 

A butterfly landed across my lap as I sat waiting and I remember wanting to keep it. My mom said I couldn't because it wouldn't survive.  She went on to ask if I had wings would I want someone to keep me in a place with nowhere to go or would I want to fly and fly and fly. The obvious action was that I let it go.

Sometimes I feel like that butterfly. I want to fly and fly and fly but I have only my jar to hold me back from the world.  It is a jar that allows people to decide whether I am beautiful or ugly. Too Fat. Too White. Not White enough.  It is a jar that keeps me from reaching out for help or for helping others.  One too many times it has been a jar that has almost led to my death by my own hands or at least the wish that someone would do it for me. 


My wings are broken because day after day I still hit the side of the glass in search of my freedom.  I'm still here, but not always strong.  I'm here because I know I'm worth saving.  And I know that the only way the jar wins is if I give up.  I don't usually speak about this for several reasons. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I don't want people to think I just want attention.  I actually prefer to suffer this in quiet.  I'm just hoping that maybe my story will help someone else.